Social Anxiety – Making Friends as an Adult

So, you’ve just received the invite to the Christmas party and you’re thinking – Who actually wants to go to that?

A recent invite that I received was to the Bracknell Forest Runners Christmas party!

What could be more awkward than trying to bond with people you only know as The Heavy Breather, Mrs Snot, McHottieTightToppie, Mrs Wild Wee, Buns, Legs, and of course – “The Body”.

But those brave enough to attend will no doubt have a cracking time.

They’ll laugh over a pint about who fell into the muddiest puddle and have conversations that include how to cheat on Strava, PB targets and the latest lycra trends.

So yes, I’ll go, and you should probably go to your Christmas party also.

Social Anxiety: The Little Voice that Says “Stay Home, Mate”

Social anxiety is something most of us understand at least on some level.

It doesn’t have to be crippling or lead to total isolation, but if you don’t feel even a smidge of social anxiety when heading to a new event, then you’re probably a unicorn.

Social anxiety (or SA, for us lazy typers) loves to convince us that everyone else is having the best time. It suggests they are brimming with confidence, appear full of laughs and have perfect small talk, but here’s the truth. Even the most confident person at the party feels a little out of place now and then. The difference? They’ve learned to shrug it off.

Social anxiety wants you to stay home. It whispers, “Next time will be easier.” But here’s the catch, next time never comes if we don’t make a start and it’s sad to know how much people can listen to those inner voices, leading to increased feelings of isolation and loneliness, especially around the holidays.

Not everyone is buzzing with festive cheer, but the the truth is, the party is to be better with you there.

So embrace the challenge, look after yourself and why not focus on you?!

Get yourself along to that social event if you can.

I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. (I’m not)

In Britain, we’ve perfected the art of keeping to ourselves. We typically do this until the second drink or until someone else speaks first.

But here’s another truth: you don’t have to like everyone you meet, (and they don’t have to like you either!)

SA set us this unfair goal of being universally liked, so recognise that social situations will be much more fun if we all drop that pressure on ourselves – and we can also drop it on others.

How to Ease Social Anxiety (without a therapist)

Beating SA isn’t about forcing yourself to every party. It’s about taking small, manageable steps. These steps make socialising more comfortable without sending you over the edge.

1. Low-stakes interactions – Say hello, smile—sometimes, that’s plenty. Social anxiety thrives on avoidance, so small interactions go a long way. Plus, these interactions don’t usually last long, so there’s a natural “escape plan” if things feel awkward.
2. Attend events sometimes – Not every event is worth the bath, conditioner or soap on a rope. However, give it a go now and then, even if it’s just that running club’s Christmas do. You can leave after an hour if it’s a drag. There’s a good chance you’ll end up laughing about that hilly 10K. You might also laugh about who survived couch to 5K. At the very least, you’ll share a few smiles.
3. Get comfy with Awkward – If you say something odd or forget someone’s name, shrug it off. People who look confident are just better at hiding their own awkwardness. And if someone’s judging you, they’re probably feeling just as anxious, so maybe help them out by going over to say hi?
4. A Samaritans tip for awkwardness – In my experience, people don’t avoid socialising because they’re bad at it. They avoid it because it makes them feel vulnerable. However, we all feel that way. Most people are kind and open to connection, and connection is at the Christmas party, the running club and over that coffee, beer or mince pie.

Social anxiety convinces us we’re alone in our awkwardness. Yet, the world is full of awkward moments.

I believe we should all work harder to create and embrace these awkward social moments. To connect, interact, grow bridges, bonds, relationships and interests along common lines.

It’s surely what makes life so rich and exciting?

So do go and get awkward at the Xmas party if you’re lucky enough to be invited to one!

And remeber: None of us know exactly where these social interactions might end, but we all know how we can make a start.