The Eulogy I Never Wrote

When someone close to you dies everything changes.

You can feel the death and loss very deeply and as such, writing a eulogy is a daunting task for anyone.

As the pressure mounts as the time gets closer, you start to think harder about what’s been asked of you, and when your feeling low and vulnerable.

How can you encapsulate a person’s life, their essence, and the impact they had on those around them in just a few moments?

Then it comes to the reading of it in public. It’s possibly one of the most heartfelt things a person can write and it’s important to do a good job, but this is much more impactful than reading outloud a few paragraphs of English GCSE to the class.

It’s going to be something you never forget, and it needs to be done well.

As you write the memories of past times shared, they becomes real once again. It’s difficult, but amongst the sadness you might also find yourself laughing, it’s a bit weird.

The times down the pub, the arguments, the relationships shared, the experiences that came and went, and the secrets that only you together know about, they all flood back.

And then there is the sharp pang and reminder of the gaping void left behind, something that can’t be filled, and so now you’re trying to write about it, and read about it, in public.

Will you be able deliver what has been asked of you?

If you’re like me, not English Degree educated, you’ll certainly struggle to find the words, and harder still the say them aloud.

All words seem inadequate in such a situation and each sentence seems to fall short, but we also need to write for the audience, the friends, the family, the colleagues, and for those aged from 4 to 90. And to try and help them with their grief.

If you’ve ever tried to write a best mans speech, or a heartfelt love poem, you’ll only have the smallest insight as to how hard it is to write a Eulogy, and to deliver it well.

Wow, it’s hard.

How do you distil a lifetime of friendship into a few minutes?

How do you capture the essence of a bloke who meant so much?

How do you do justice to his memory, to convey the depth of loss whilst providing comfort to those who are also grieving, and add some jokes even?

But then in the midst of my sorrow, my confusion and the pressure felt from the daunting task ahead I asked myself. Why should we wait for a tragedy to express our feelings? Especially men.

Why do we wait until it’s too late to say what truly matters?

Why do we so often need a tragedy to remind us of the importance of our relationships?

And this is where this blog might sound wierd.

I don’t like to write about dreams, it feels childish at best. But this was last night’s dream.

Writing and beginning to deliver the eulogy of a friend not yet dead….

I can’t believe I’m writing about a dream.

But last nights dream prompted me to do something physical and real, and it started with writing this blog.

I didn’t call him obviously, I’m a bloke, but I did send him a whatsapp message.

In it I explained how he was dead and that I was having to write his eulogy and how I felt about it.

He knew it wasn’t a joke, “Jesus mate. That’s deep!”

I added to the message how I felt about him, and he told me he loved and valued me also.

I doubt we’ll talk about this together, it’s far too odd.